From Where I Sit

From bud to blossom, the courage to change

2012-03-06T19:44:00.001-08:00

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Anais Nin

I have used this quote so many times in journals, speeches and even at my own wedding to illustrate the courage it takes to transform and change.

It is said that change is good, but change is hard even when you want it with all your heart. The only thing at the end of the day that facilitates real change is the courage to acknowledge that you can no longer continue in your present state.

The image of being imprisoned in a bud is so compelling. For a bud is a beautiful thing to the naked eye. Yet when the bud has outgrown its confinement, what magical things must happen for it to burst into what it was meant to be? I simply love that image.

I have often said that change is difficult, even good change, because it means moving from the known to the unknown. And even if that which is unknown is infinitely more beautiful or comfortable than the known, you don’t know that yet, do you? It’s like stepping into the darkness, hoping that there will be a net to break your fall. It’s truly a leap of faith.Yet there is really only one direction possible: forward to the next step, for to remain in the bud is to die.

The image of a bud reminds me so much of the children we serve, especially the teen girls.

Already undergoing transformations on all levels of their being and trying to figure out who they are by finding out who they are not, they must factor into the equation that they were victims of abuse.

How gut-wrenching adolescence is in the best of circumstances. Maybe a few of you would opt to return to the good old days of adolescence, if you were the prom queen or cheerleader. But for most us, adolescence was an awkward journey of self discovery at best and dangerous cluelessness at worst.

So here stand our teens in their little buds.

Inside the confines of their world they are uncomfortable about who they are in light of what has happened to them. Many feel ugly, unloved, and unlovable. Many are angry, fearful and feel they are the only one like themselves on the planet.

They long for the things we all long for: love, acceptance, empowerment, and worthiness. They dream of a future that is better than what they have endured. They may have failed all their classes last semester. They may be continuously arguing with their family, if anyone is at home that is. They may think that dreams are for someone else, because they are “different.”

They want to blossom. They long to realize their potential and see their own worth.

But those concepts must take a back seat to surviving the next day at school, the next night at home with the fighting, the next date who might fill them with liquor and hurt them in the name of “boys will be boys.” What courage, what resiliency, what power it might take to disregard all the voices that scream: “You are not good enough.” “You should never have been born.” “Who do you think you are, missy?”

What courage would it take to stretch your arms and push the tight pedals of that bud, that now feel more like shackles than the promise of fruition, and spring into new possibilities?

We want so much from the children we serve and those goals are good and noble.

But we need also to remind ourselves that they are still in the bud stage. I believe that with our love, support and wisdom we can be there for them. But in the end we are only witnesses to their unfolding – the day that they realize for themselves that they can not longer endure their present situation and so then push forward like a second birth into the flower.

We know because we have lived that that little flower will be greeted with wind, rain, harsh sunshine and maybe a trampling once in a while.

But they – standing in the garden of their own dreams – simply rejoice in the freedom.

Stumbling and the true test of being alive

2012-02-21T10:16:00.000-08:00

"Remember, we all stumble, every one of us.

That's why it is a comfort to go hand in hand."

Emily Kimbrough

The true test of being alive may be a willingness to lift our hand to another when we have stumbled and fallen.

The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County has been on a great journey for almost 24 years. People who had a great dream built it from the ground up. And we know that when great dreams are dreamed together, there is an inexplicable power accompanying them.

In the last few years many many people have joined us in this dream and the result is a Center with programs that have sprung up like beautiful flowers whose seeds flew in from far off -- to land in our garden and bloom as an unexpected gifts.

The years that preceded us were solid in their foundation. Now we are spreading our wings and letting ourselves take flight, flying in formation like a great flock of birds that has a point person so to speak. If that bird gets tired, then another from the flock will take the lead and let the leader rest -- because they all know the way.

I like to think of the work we do like that. No one person in the Children’s Advocacy Center leads all the time. No one idea will meet the needs of our children.

In fact, just as we lend a hand to our children as they struggle with abuse on their journey toward healing -- we adults also stumble and fall. Sometimes the work is just too much. The realities of what we face and the stories in our heads feel heavy and frightening.

It is usually just in that moment that another offers a hand and the kind of understanding that comes from the depth of our humanness. These times happen, I believe, to humble us and remind us that we are intricately connected, and without each other we would stumble, fall and succumb to defeat.

Knowing that we as human beings need one another is a quiet reminder to all of us in times when we incorrectly think we are alone.

We are not alone.

I don’t know how it works, but I do know that a hand given in friendship can help us endure anything. To stumble along that way is not a defeat. Rather it means we are human, and like all humans we are in relationship with everyone.

One day I may be strong and clearly see the path we must take. The next day my vision is blurred by worries of funding or a story I have heard. But each time, a phone call, a colleague, one of my children or my husband can lift me up and remind me why I am doing what I am doing.

People tell me that I am strong, apparently unafraid to speak in front of others. After all, public speaking is the number one fear in America.

I, however, am someone else when I speak because I know why I am speaking and for whom I am speaking. And when I remember that -- the words flow and sometimes, oddly enough, I inspire myself! Maybe that’s part of the “act as if” model of healing. Act “as if “you can do it and your actions follow your thoughts.

Many of our child victims become victims again simply because they see themselves as victims. They do not see themselves as they truly are: innocent. They move into the world blinded by their false beliefs about themselves and then all their actions follow.

Isn’t it wonderful that we have a staff and many many volunteers that see them as they truly are: beautiful but lost. It’s in that moment that the adults can hold up a mirror to the child and show her that what she feels is not true.

This is not science. This is the power of being human and sometimes only a human being can be the conduit for another.

This miracle happens every day at the Center.

Every day. We all stumble. Every one of us.

The true test of being alive may be a willingness to lift our hand to someone or to offer our hand to another who has stumbled and fallen just like us.

We are all part of a mystery so perfectly crafted that we only see it sometimes when we stumble and fall over our false thoughts about ourselves.

Only in those dark moments of despair are we ready to receive the great wisdom of the mystery: we are not alone if we walk hand in hand.

The birds of the sky know this intuitively. Humans, with all their “learning,” often miss the simple truth that we come into this world literally connected to another human being -- without whom we could never have been born.

We are all linked for a reason, and that truth is given to us before we take our first breath.

Interview of Randy Ellison, author of "Boys Don't Tell: Ending the Silence of Abuse"

2012-02-14T17:48:00.000-08:00

Randy Ellison is an Oregon advocate for victims of child abuse, and author of the book -- Boys Don't Tell: Ending the Silence of Abuse. Randy was a victim of abuse himself as a teen and kept his secret for 40 years. Now he works for several organizations on abuse prevention and awareness. Randy will be reading from his book at Bloomsbury’s at 290 E. Main in Ashland, Oregon on Thursday, February 16th at 7 pm. We asked Randy the following questions:

Why don’t boys tell?

There are many reasons boys don’t tell that are a combination of personal and cultural. Boys are taught from birth to be tough. Phrases like man-up, get tough, and boys don’t cry are common in our society. Boys are also taught they need to learn to take care of themselves.

Being sexually abused flies in the face of all these messages. Then there is the one thing that slams the door shut and that is, a boy cannot help his body from reacting physically to the sexual stimulation. Even a victim cannot stop the body’s chemistry and the guilt and shame that result makes the victim feel responsible and even complicit.

What makes it possible for a boy to tell?

To start with it is time to stop teaching boys that image of a testosterone-fueled male like Arnold Schwarzenegger is what a man should be. We need new and thoughtful role models for boys. I like a line I wrote during my healing process, “it is enough to be a good and kind man.”

As we begin to teach all our children that we all come in different shapes and that is not only okay, it is good, they will begin to see themselves in the world differently. We need to learn respect, and honor the differences in each other as well as ourselves. We must teach that secrets are bad and destructive and then provide an environment of trust so that boys can learn to express their feelings and still be accepted.

As parents we can have a time each day or week for truth-telling without consequences. I like the concept of a safe/truth chair in the home. When you sit in it you can say anything without repercussions and all feedback must be supportive.

How is abuse of boys different than abuse of girls?

To be honest I think the basics are the same. It is an attack at the core of our being, a rape of the soul. Girls potentially have an easier time of talking about it later because in our culture it is more accepted for females to talk about feelings and they tend to have the type of relationships where expressing themselves is appropriate.

Boys on the other hand are supposed to be tough and not talk about feelings, especially fear, hurt and shame. Statistics tell us that three times as many women reveal their abuse to someone, than do men. The horror of abuse is the same for both, but I think maybe the men wear the shame a little heavier.

What societal norms come into play with abused boys?

Young boys coming into adolescence are trying to establish themselves in traditional male terms. They want to be tough, cool, respected by their peers and attractive to the opposite sex. Egos at this age are very fragile. When they are sexually abused, especially by a man, all that is threatened or destroyed. Now the desired self-image is shattered. You are sure others will think you are a queer, twink, fag, wimp, or just generally weak and undesirable. You feel you have not only brought shame on yourself, but your family as well.

All of this is based on preconceived notions and false images of what a MAN is supposed to be and look like in our culture. Again I say, we need to change our perception of what a healthy male looks like.

Tell us a little about your personal experience? What happens when you keep it hidden?

I kept my secret for forty years. When my editor first read my manuscript I think she told me I used the phrase “forty years” over 50 times! It is just so amazing to me that I could have held something so poisonous and destructive for so long. The secret constantly ate at me from the inside quite literally. My stomach and digestive system were a mess. Over time I pretty much became unable to digest the food I ate even with enough medication to put most people to sleep.

It also kept me from being close to anyone, including my own wife and kids. When you have a secret that big, you think you have to keep people away so they don’t suspect something is wrong. So covering up and hiding your feelings becomes your norm. Unfortunately when you start hiding your feelings you hide all of them, except maybe anger, and even that comes out indirectly because what you are really mad about is a secret!

Since all of this is an intolerable way to live, and all I really wanted was to forget my secret, I drank and used drugs every day of my adult life. It is obvious now that was not a very smart solution, but the issue of child sexual abuse is not stored or dealt with in the rational mind. It is stored in the mind of the injured child at whatever age you were abused with the tools you had available at the time. My pattern of destructive behavior continued until I finally sought counseling four years ago.

What made you decide to tell?

My daughter was going through a divorce and her oldest son woke up and threw a major tantrum in the middle of the night. She couldn’t get him to calm down so she told him she was calling the police and she called me and asked me to come over and talk to him. When I got there I found him standing in his closet in just his underwear, white as a sheet. He looked so vulnerable and scared, I picked him up in my arms and sat on his bed and I just rocked him. I told him everything would be okay. If he was ever afraid or felt he needed help all he had to do was call me and I would be there for him.

I was obviously talking to the boy inside me that had been scared and vulnerable so many years before and the image of my grandson standing there had triggered me. That night opened a door for me that resulted in me finding a therapist just two weeks later to discuss what happened to me as a boy. It is interesting that after guarding my secret so long, it took me three months to use the words victim and predator. It took me another six months to know that I had to report the perpetrator to the church where he worked.

What was the reaction of people/family/friends when you did tell?

First I decided to get help because I figured something was wrong with me. From that moment on every step was filled with new discovery and surprise. I was surprised by what I learned about myself and why my life had been the way it was. When I finally decided to tell friends and family I again was amazed at the reaction. My fears had been totally unfounded. My revealed secret was met with love and support. The people that knew me best commented that my life and behavior made more sense to them now.

Beyond the unbelievable support I got, I was surprised by the impact of that level of truth-telling had on people. Some of my family responded by sharing secrets and fears they held. Apparently trusting enough to actually speak deep truth allows others to do the same. I have continued to find that to be true as I have spoken publically about abuse. Those closed doors we all keep hidden seem to be bursting to be opened and it is amazing what a relief it is and how much better life can be when they do.

What would you like to say to any boy who is being abused right now?

The first thing to overcome is the power differential. Whoever your abuser is has great power over you. You have to believe in yourself enough to break that control. The abuser assumes the power, but you have to give it as well. TAKE BACK YOUR POWER. Asking for help does not make you weak; it is a sign of strength. Find someone you feel you can trust and will support you, whether it is a parent, friend of the family, teacher, grandparent, counselor or minister and tell them. Now here comes the hardest part, if you do not get the help you need at first, you must believe in yourself enough to find someone else to speak to. This is not your fault. You are good. You have value, and no one has the right to abuse you. Believe in yourself.

Once you have stopped the abuse, find a counselor to help you through the process of understanding what happened to you so you can heal and continue to grow. If you do not get help the abuse will stop your emotional development and keep you from realizing your dreams in life.

What would you say to the parents of a boy who has been abused?

Number one, believe him. Number two, make sure he hears over and over it was not his fault. Abuse crushes the soul and destroys self-image. Find ways to help him heal and rediscover his self worth. Make sure that counseling with an expert in child sex abuse is a regular part of his life for at least a year or two. Whatever natural talents or interests he may have, provide opportunities for him to grow in those areas. Don’t make him uncomfortable by asking a lot of questions, talk about it when he wants to.

With good therapy, and interested and involved parents he will make a full recovery. Without it he will end up with more problems than you ever thought possible.

Where can we find your book?

The book “Boys Don’t Tell: Ending the Silence of Abuse” is available locally at Bloomsbury Books in Ashland, Barnes and Noble in Medford, as well as Powell’s Books on Burnside in Portland. It also available online at http://www.amazon.com/, http://www.barnesandnoble.com/, as well as my website http://www.boysdonttell.com/.

Dates/time/places of local book readings?

I will be reading from my book at Bloomsbury’s at 290 E. Main in Ashland on Thursday February 16 at 7 pm.

I am also available to talk to any group on the subject of child sexual abuse from a survivor’s perspective. Whether a church group, social, school or whatever I am happy to speak from 10 minutes to an hour locally for free. You can contact me at randy@boysdonttell.com.

What is OAASIS and what do you do with this organization? How can we get involved?

Oregon Abuse Advocates and Survivors in Service, OAASIS is a non-profit that I helped form to combat child sexual abuse. I am currently the president of the board. We feel the survivor voice has been a missing piece in the public forum. Because of this we have a Survivor’s Speakers Bureau that goes out and tells the survivor story with an emphasis on recovery and healing.

We also are actively involved in public policy. We have sponsored bills in the State legislature and worked with other groups to pass pro-victim laws since 2009.

If you are interested in becoming involved you can contact OAASIS Executive Director Klarissa Oh at 503-274-1179, email: klarissa@oaasisoregon.org website: http://oaasisoregon.org/. Or you can like us on Facebook, OAASIS Oregon.

At the very least if you want to make a difference, just email Klarissa to get on our email list so that when we are working on legislation we can contact you to lend your support by making a call or write an email to your legislator.

There are dozens organizations in the Rogue Valley that work with children in general or ones that have been abused. Any place you can help a child feel better about themselves and empowered as a person you are fighting child sexual abuse and making a better tomorrow.

Randy Ellison's Website: boysdonttell.com Email: randy@boysdonttell.com

Does child pornography really hurt anybody?

2012-02-13T09:27:00.000-08:00

"Child pornography doesn't really hurt anybody."

This is one of the biggest myths floating dangerously around these days and the problem is that many good people buy it. They erroneously believe that someone watching child porn in the privacy of his own home is just minding his business and doing his thing.

Because of the recent cases that deal with this issue, I want to address this topic head on.

Myth One: Child pornography doesn't hurt anyone as the person viewing it is in his own home.

First and foremost, child pornography is a crime and if you are watching it, you are in fact watching a crime in progress. You are actually watching --for your own sexual gratification -- the criminal sexual assault of a living child.

Myth Two: Child pornography is really just scantily clad kids. It's harmless.

Many people believe this falsehood or maybe they prefer to believe it rather than to accept the truth. Here is the truth, and forgive my candor, but this is important. Child pornography depicts the most heinous crimes against children, whether that is the rape of an infant by a grown man, or sadistic sexual assaults upon children who through video are screaming for help. Any questions?

Myth Three: If a person gratifies himself through his computer by watching child pornography, he won't offend real children.

First, the kids on the screen are real and they are enduring real trauma and suffering. Second, this crime follows a continuum: The individual begins with watching and fantasizing, moves to more and more explicit and devious kinds of sexual pictures, begins to fantasize about abusing a real child, grooms a child for purposes of offending and then finally offends that child. To top it off, he takes photos and trades, shares or sells them to get more photos for his own pleasure.

In a recent study, inmates who were incarcerated solely for possessing child pornography were surveyed and, low and behold, they had an average of 40 victims themselves!

Myth Four: Watching child pornography is over when you turn off your computer.

As I said before, when someone watches child pornography, they are watching a crime. They are also creating a market for more photos and more assaults on children. Therefore, the viewer is creating more crimes to be committed to meet the insatiable needs of these criminals. This crime is big business!

Fact: The FBI has the ability to pick up electronically whenever anyone goes online and checks onto a child porn site. They relay that information to the local authorities. So, for example, in real time, our High Tech Crimes Force knows exactly who is viewing child pornography in Central Point, Medford, Ashland, Talent, etc.! Let the viewer beware!

What can we do about this?

First you need the facts. I have given you a snapshot into this perverse and criminal world. Second, you need to know that Oregon has the lowest penalties for people who commit this crime. This needs to change.

Call or write your local legislator and tell them you want new laws put into place that punish those who engage in the viewing, trading, selling or buying of photos and videos that depict the brutal sexual exploitation of innocent children.

Tell our leaders we want these folks in jail or prison. Ask them to sponsor a bill which gets this going so that child pornographers and other sex offenders will stay away from Oregon because our laws present too much of a risk to them.

Any thoughts?

Full Circle: Why I am the Executive Director of the CAC

2012-02-08T14:05:00.000-08:00

One day Alice came to a fork in the road and saw a Cheshire cat in a tree. “Which road do I take?” she asked. “Where do you want to go” was his response. “I don’t know,” answered Alice. Then, said the cat, “It doesn’t matter.”

Lewis Carroll quote from Alice in Wonderland

I know. I have said it so many times. I still believe that we all come here for a special purpose and our job is to find it and do it.

Sounds easy, right?

Wrong.

I try to talk about my personal journey sparingly, because it is not necessary to my job; however recently I am seeing that differently.

Maybe my journey is essential to the work that we do at the Children’s Advocacy Center, and by sharing portions of it, we can all become more real to one another.

As a teacher in California, I quoted the statement above from Alice in Wonderland the first day of every year to all my classes. My logic was to instill in my students that it does matter where you are going. It matters a lot. Of course, if one doesn’t have any destination, maybe it doesn’t.

I wanted them to begin thinking about what they wanted in life, what their purpose might be, and that it was their responsibility (not their parents) to find it.

I was born just after we dropped the bombs on Japan in 1945. It must have been a frightening time for the world, and I certainly emerged with innate fears about the safety of life. And I never questioned how poor we were because I didn’t know we were poor.

I guess I thought everyone lived in a garage with a chamber pot. Our partitioned little home did have an eating area, living room and one bedroom. I didn’t question anything actually -- not the fighting, the drinking, the drug use of my uncle and his schizophrenia, the domestic violence, the sex abuse -- not any of it.

I think I just turned something in my head to the “off position” for about 35 years and woke up one day as a German teacher with three beautiful children and a big empty hole in my autobiography.

How did I get here? What happened when I lived in my grandparents’ home next to our little garage home? Why was I so scared all the time? Why was I suddenly filled with rage?

Why did I think any father at the park who was with his child was a pedophile? Why? Why? Why? I was actually surprised to learn about a half century later that not everyone thought like that. Imagine that!

In my mind, when I Ieft home in the morning as a kid, I went to WONDERLAND school. There I was someone else, still shy, insecure, and fearful, but not terrified. I could get good grades and become someone.

It was my mother’s death at 57 and when I was 35 that awakened some sleeping monster in me. I became rageful, reckless, and lost. One usually stands at some kind of crossroads in those situations and I was so exception.

I went back to school to become a school counselor and get my marriage and family therapist degree. I got the degree but lost my marriage and hurt my children by disrupting their lives.

I realized that I had no idea about anything. That I had been on remote control all my life.

And so began my 2^nd incarnation in this life.

Eventually this journey would lead me to Oregon to be a DV advocate for the Dunn House, the principal of an alternative school, an advocate for child sex abuse victims, and then my position here.

It is here at the CAC when all the pieces came together.

I will no longer ask what my purpose is, because I have arrived at my destination professionally. But I bear the scars of a less than perfect life, some at my own hands and some at the hands of others.

This is not about all that. This is about my innate understanding of child abuse, alcoholism, drug abuse, mental illness, domestic violence and all the rest.

I wonder if there are not others out there who say they don’t know where they are going, while all along they are actually right on target to do what they came here to do. You, out there will know it intuitively -- if I am making the hairs on your head stand up. That’s always the litmus test.

For me, I have been slowly waking up from a long self-induced sleep.

I am, as they say, a late bloomer. So from 35 to 66 I wake up a little bit everyday with every personal interaction, every child I meet, and every group I speak to. Every single thing that happens jolts me a bit more into awareness. And I can say honestly -- it’s scarier than hell!

My life is much more complicated than what I have written, but that’s not the point.

Now I can speak with a loud voice, when once I had none, or write with an intentional resolve to do what I came to do. I am the wake up call. I poke people to think. I inspire from the fire within my soul. I make things happen that can help kids.

I write this humbly, not boastfully. I do not do this alone.

Oh, no. I have so many people who help because I believe they are achieving part of their unique purpose in life too. And there are many out there who poke me to remind me to wake up and keep going -- when I forget.

Statistically speaking, I should be costing the community a lot of money and be “one of those kids who grew up and became part of the problem.” Somehow, however, that was not my destiny and I get to remind children in our community that it doesn’t have to be theirs.

We have a purpose. We need to find it. And then we need to do it.

Join me in the mysterious awakening process we call destiny. Who knows who you are here to save, to heal, or to just become.

“I can’t go back to yesterday – because I was a different person then.” Lewis Carroll

Not letting this teacher off the hook!

2012-02-01T09:38:00.000-08:00

First, let me say that I worked for the Beverly Hills School District from 1976 to 2000 and served as a German and English teacher, and later as a counselor. Our school had a lot of pride in what we produced and we had the support of a culture that valued education and success.

Back in the old days when teachers had “incidents” with students, somehow it all just went away. I never heard of anyone being prosecuted for things as they are today. I was pretty naive in those days. I tell you this because there are so many wonderful, dedicated teachers in this world. I would like to think that my colleagues and I were part of that group.

The story of the 61-year-old former elementary school teacher who has been charged with molesting 23 children has tipped the “yuck scale” for me.

Mark Berndt was arrested, they say, after a film processor noticed some “suspicious material.”

Now that might be the understatement of the week!

I can fully understand why the bloggers in LA went bezerk, when they read about how the investigators found a “blue plastic spoon and an empty container from the trash in the suspect’s classroom!”

Yes, I said classroom.

The contents analyzed on that spoon turned out to be semen which happened to match our beloved teacher. It is alleged that Mr. Berndt had his students drink his semen; or let me put it another way: he allegedly had children drink his semen in a school classroom!

Children! School! Classroom!

Photos have allegedly been found on his computer that depict other unspeakable acts.

And how old are these kids? They are 7 years old.

I want to ask how someone could do such things to little 7 year-old children, but I know the answer.

This is sex offender behavior; because sex offenders think anything goes if it gratifies their needs. Period. No empathy for the child. No respect for the innocence lost. No concern for the parents who had to have their children tested for STDs.

I, of course, immediately put this on Facebook as a friendly reminder that we can no longer bury our heads in the sand while things like this are happening to our children.

I tried to print the article out and was wondering why it was taking so long and realized, that before the article printed, hundreds of blogs were printed in response to this story. They ranged from absolute disgust to suggestions for how to achieve accountability, if Berndt is proven guilty. Interesting reading! Creative!

I think that there is a reasonable expectation by parents that their kids are safe at school.

That would be a foolhardy assumption in today’s world.

Remember that pedophiles will find ways to be anywhere there are children. Schools are a perfect feeding ground for these bottom dwellers.

OK enough of my rant.

Now to the solution:

Please, please go to our website www.cacjc.org and sign up for Darkness to Light – Stewards of Children and get the tools to recognize the signs of sexual abuse and act on them before someone like this get into one of your school districts!

Think about how many people this alleged suspect groomed - parents and administrators - before he began his escapades of abuse and humiliation.

Think about it. I bet everyone thought he was a great guy.

Hindsight is 20/20 but an ounce of prevention…….Don’t get mad! Get SMART!

Some experiences can’t be erased!

Wouldn’t you like to erase this story from your head?

I bet the little victims would, too!

Media Advocacy Works! Law & Order SVU will Re-Air 'Personal Fouls'

2012-01-24T12:43:00.000-08:00

The Oregon Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence defines media advocacy as the strategic use of mass media to support community organizing for the advancement of social change. True violence prevention media is one that presents the landscape of solutions, not only the portraits of the problem. We praise the efforts of Law and Order SVU, 1in6, A CALL TO MEN and Joyful Heart Foundation for promoting a culture of awareness, safe disclosures, support and prevention of male sexual abuse.

With input from 1in6, we have created a Timeline of Media Advocacy and Public Engagement Around Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse. It captures significant national media events and community engagement as a response to those efforts. You can view it as 'timeline' or as 'text view'.

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On January 25, 2012 NBC will re-air ‘Personal Fouls,’ an insightful and moving episode of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. It’s the story of men who were sexually abused by a powerful basketball coach dangling the keys to the NBA – and the dedicated police who help bring him to justice. First aired in September of 2011, the episode served as a prelude for millions of viewers to the Penn State and Syracuse University stories, which broke a few weeks later.

We wanted to suggest the possibility of encouraging people to gather to watch the show together and discuss its implications and we have developed a viewer guide to help focus on aspects particularly relevant to sexual abuse of men and how men respond.

1in6 was honored to have been invited to consult on the script, as well as the 2-minute public service announcement (PSA) that played at its end, both of which reached well over 8 million people. 1in6 was impressed by the sensitive portrayal of a complex issue achieved by partners at NBC, A CALL TO MEN and the Joyful Heart Foundation, the show’s actors, especially Mariska Hargitay, Ice T and Danny Pino, the director, Jim McKay, Bryan Goluboff, who wrote the inspired script, creator/executive producer Dick Wolf, and all of the producers and staff of Law & Order: SVU.

See the PSA at at men.joyfulheartfoundation.org.

1in6 has created a Guide for Discussion: "Personal Fouls" Episode of Law and Order Special Victims Unit with information and questions to help facilitate a productive group discussion about the SVU “Personal Fouls” show. This could involve a formal gathering sponsored by a community organization; a group viewing in a dorm or fraternity or sorority; an engaging men's group; or a group of friends gathering to watch the show and discuss the issue together.

We always keep in mind that watching this very powerful portrayal of abusive interactions and participating in a discussion about it has the potential of triggering deep feelings for individuals, whether they have had similar abusive childhood experiences or not. We would strongly encourage anyone sponsoring a group showing or discussion to provide on-site resources for anyone who might have a reaction to the show – ideally counseling resources present in the venue – but at the very least information about how to quickly access local resources and help if difficult feelings arise.

There is also information about resources available to help sort through any feelings or questions that arise at www.1in6.org . Many resources, including the 1in6 Online SupportLine, are listed on our Website under Get Help. Anyone feeling at risk of hurting themselves or being harmed by someone else should call 911 or go to the nearest hospital emergency room. We encourage people to move forward in their exploration of this issue at their own pace.

Local sexual assault response teams or organizations could also provide information about resources. Click on our Map of Services for local resources.

Information about accessing a listing of Rape Crisis Hotlines around the United States and other Websites and resources can be accessed at Other Helplines and Peer Support at www.1in6.org.

Gabby Santos
Program Coordinator for Underserved Communities
Oregon Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Violence
Phone: 503.230.1951
Email: gabby@ocadsv.org
Website: www.ocadsv.com
Twitter: www.twitter.com/ocadsv
YouTube Channel: www.youtube.com/OCADSV

Find your way back to your truest self

2012-01-24T08:25:00.000-08:00

“Put your ear down close to your soul and listen hard.”

Anne Sexton

What will be your gift to the new year?

I know that many of us usually try to make all those remarkably breakable New Year’s Resolutions.

I have totally stopped making them at 66, because I have enough self-awareness that I know exactly that I am not going to give up good red wine, dark chocolate nor am I going to embark on a physical regimen after a 12 hour work-day.

I can promise myself, my children, my husband, my therapist, my whatever, but I know in my heart it won’t happen.

I will come home one day and feel so depleted that I simply must sustain my spirit with some comfort food. I won’t break my word for a lousy package of store bought cookies, but if my executive assistant and friend Lorna arrives with a platter of her homemade brownies, well, let’s get real.

What I have been thinking about, however, was something I read in an office while waiting to see my doctor. It is a quote by Anne Sexton and it touched me in places I hadn’t gone to for a long while.

“Put your ear down close to your soul and listen hard.”

Wow! Isn’t that what we all need to do?

Put aside the workload, the responsibilities, the housework, the pressure, the “ought to’s” and the “you’re bad if you don’ts” and just sit in silence for a moment to listen to that voice that we all spend so much time trying not to hear.

I believe that we all come to earth with something to do. And I believe that our job is to find it and do it.

But I also think that is harder than is seems when there is so much noise. By the time we’ve figured out all the rules of our gender, our generation, our religion, our predispositions, we have little time to listen to our soul’s own voice that patiently tries to make us listen.

I am one of the worse culprits, so I can talk.

You’d be amazed how busy you can get to keep from listening to your truest self, your truest calling, or your truest desires.

I even have a hard time answering the question, “What do you want?”

I know what I don’t want. I have lists and lists all alphabetized and in order. But what I truly want eludes me on a personal level. I know what I want for others, but often have no clue about myself.

So I am asking you what I am asking of myself this year. What do you want to give to the year? What do you want? What would assist you in fulfilling the task you came here to do?

I already know that I will give of my time and what talents I still possess to the work of stopping child abuse.

I know I will teach with conviction and speak with passion.

Those are my gifts. I know I will not shirk my responsibilities as director of the Center.

I know I am here to serve the children. I have dreamed of saving the children since I myself was a child.

But there is one thing I have trouble with.

That’s embracing some lost part of me that wants to live without fear and learn to love with abandon and well, learn to play.

There. I have said it. Play. You see, I don’t “play.” Ask my husband. Ask my kids. Ask me. If you skipped your childhood, play is strange and awkward at best and a betrayal of responsibility at worse. So I have told you the truth.

So now I can ask you to put your ear down close to your soul and ask it what it wants of you this year. Is this the year that you embrace a cause and act on that decision?

Is this the year you become a mentor to kids who may not be surviving as well as you did?

Is this the year you find time to see others in a new way so that you become free?

Pick one thing and give it to the new year, for yourself, for the community for your family, but mostly for your own soul. There is something for you to do!

Wanna play?

Marlene Mish

All Babies CRY!

2012-01-17T09:53:00.000-08:00

The Period of Purple Crying is a prevention program that began in Jackson County through the work of our own Dr. Kerri Hecox in collaboration with all local hospitals. The purpose of the program is to reduce the incidence of traumatic brain injury, or Shaken Baby Syndrome, as most people think about it. Today we are fortunate that every parent that has a baby in one of our hospitals will be given a DVD and brochure addressing this important issue.

If you were ever a new mother and remember what it feels like to be unable to soothe your new baby, you can relate to that terrible sense of failure. "I am not a good mother! What am I doing wrong? I don't know how to stop my own baby from crying! Everyone else can soothe their baby but I can't soothe my baby. What's wrong with me?"

Add that to sleep deprivation, exhaustion, adapting to the responsibility of caring for a human being and you can see how devastating this can be.

Now add all those elements to alcohol and drug use, a violent environment, and strife in the home and you have the formula for a tragedy.

There is no reason to feel guilty or bad when your baby cries, because all babies cry. Sometimes they cry for no reason at all.

In fact, crying has a pattern and it looks like this:

P eak period of crying is in the first couple of months and then decreases

U nexpected times of crying. This is normal.

R esists all of your efforts to comfort him or her.

P ain: the baby looks to be in pain but isn't always.

L asts a long time. Sometimes the crying can last for up to 5 hours.

E vening and afternoons are the most common times.

Crying is the #1 reason parents shake and hurt their babies!

Shaking a baby is dangerous and can cause:

Blindness

Seizures

Learning disabilities

Physical disabilities

DEATH

So what should you do if your baby is driving you crazy?

After you have determined that you baby is not hungry, hurt, sick or anything that would explain the excessive crying, know that your baby may just be crying...frustrating but not life-threatening. Now:

It is OK to walk away! It is OK to walk away! Do not hurt your baby!
Put your baby in a safe place and breathe.
Take a few minutes to calm yourself.
Talk to yourself: "This is normal."
Go back and check on your baby.
Call a friend and share your feelings of frustration!

It is NEVER OK to shake your baby!

Feel free to pass this on to anyone who cares for a baby or young child. For more information go to www.dontshake.org

What you don't know about the internet can hurt your kids

2012-01-05T12:33:00.000-08:00

The internet is a wonderful thing. It has opened the world to us, allowed us to access everything at our fingertips. What it unfortunately also does is invite predators into our homes and within reach of our children.

Children, especially teens, are vulnerable to predators, because teens:

1) Think they know everything.

2) Think their parents are clueless.

3) Think they are invincible.

4) Do high risk behaviors without realizing it.

You would know that this is true because:

1) You have been a teen, and /or

2) You now have a teen.

Am I wrong?

In addition, children of all ages can use the internet to put themselves and others at risk, and I want to mention a few ways this can happen. It's a wonder anyone walks down the street these days without running into something solid and painful, because everyone seems to be texting. Just look up from your phone and look around! I am not kidding. We are going to all become the "Stepford" generation. We now socialize, communicate and even date through the internet.

But here are some risks for your kids:

Inappropriate conduct: When you are on-line, you feel anonymous. Kids sometimes forget that they are accountable for their actions.
Inappropriate contact: Some people on-line have bad intentions. Bullies, predators, hackers and scammers are all lurking around in cyberspace.
Inappropriate content: Without even knowing it, your child can stumble upon pornography (child and adult), hate propaganda and more.

We should be talking to our kids about the dangers of cyberspace, because if we don't, someone else will be talking with them and we would probably NOT approve of what they will be saying.

You, as a parent, have power, so use it. Use your parental controls which can include filtering and monitoring tools.

But wait, our kids can get around most of these things. If your child can't find something, one of his friends can. So don't feel safe just because you have checked the parental control button!

Teens are a particular problem for parents because they have cell phones, mobile devices, computers of friends and a lot of free time to spare. At the very least, they need to know that when you are home, you are always aware of what site they are on.

Pay attention to your teens. And talk to them about these important issues:

People are not always who they say they are. Teens may think that they are chatting with a 15-year-old girl, but it's really a 57-year-old sex offender trolling for victims.
When your child posts something - words, photos, whatever - on their social networking page, it's there FOREVER. It can never go away. "Delete" is a meaningless word in cyberland.
Sexting images, photos of themselves half-dressed (or nude) or in compromising situations, will still be in cyberspace when they are adults. They need to know that they could not only be ruining their reputations, they could be breaking the law if they create, forward or even save this kind of message. Teens by nature make poor choices, but we don't want them to make ones that have lasting effects!
Explain the dangers of giving any personal information to anyone on-line. Teens today think that if they are talking on-line with someone "sympathetic" they are in a relationship with that person. This is a fact of today's world. Think about how this vulnerability can be used by sex offenders!
Have them create a safe screen name which doesn't say too much about them personally!

We have not even scratched the surface of this topic, but at least it's a start. For further support, check out http://www.onguardonline.gov.

Can you share with other parents experiences that you have had with this issue?

We are in this together.

(Some of the content of this article came from Net Cetera - Chatting with Kids About Being Online).

Gratitude, Courage and Love

2011-12-28T14:16:00.000-08:00

Touched By An Angel

We, unaccustomed to courage

exiles from delight
live coiled in shells of loneliness
until love leaves its high holy temple
and comes into our sight
to liberate us into life.

Love arrives
and in its train come ecstasies
old memories of pleasure
ancient histories of pain.
Yet if we are bold,
love strikes away the chains of fear
from our souls.

We are weaned from our timidity
In the flush of love's light
we dare be brave
And suddenly we see
that love costs all we are
and will ever be.
Yet it is only love
which sets us free.

Maya Angelou

We are quickly approaching the end of another year of hard work: challenges and successes, disappointments and triumphs.

First, let me thank all the members of our community and the Children's Advocacy Center's Board and Staff, without whom what we do would not be done. I also want you to know that I appreciate the Board’s willingness to allow me freedom to be creative and innovative, because it is the only way I can work.

I also want to thank those on the team who work closely with me in this creative process.

Dreamers need to work together.

Thanks, too, to a team that is so committed to our mission and never hesitates to give extra of every part of their being.

And a special thanks to the Board for Sandy Abell, who pushes me to be the director I was meant to be and won’t let me settle just because I am afraid. She has given me permission to find those qualities within that I was afraid to see or use. I am grateful.

This has been a particularly difficult and joyous year for me personally. I experienced the joy of seeing my son Chris marry the true woman of his dreams and was privileged to preside over the ceremony. The poem above was one I used which speaks to the nature of love itself, but also to the journey we all must take to live fully.

I certainly apply it to our work here as well, because this profession, no matter what role one plays, is one in which we all must overcome our limiting fears and embrace our true boldness in order to help the children we serve.

I know in my heart of hearts that it is indeed “only love which sets us free” to realize this mission which is noble and pure. I also experienced the birth of a much awaited grandchild – the daughter of my daughter, which itself is a divine relationship. I am so grateful that she and my daughter survived a tenuous beginning. Yet being marooned in Italy and separated from them taught me the most important lesson of my life:

When all is said and done, my children come first in my heart and everything else pales to the power of that connection.

No grand trip, no accolade or accomplishment is as great as the pure love one feels for her child. In my three days in Italy, I visited every church and lit candles for my beautiful Sofia Angelina, and my beloved Natasha. It was a spiritual experience and it has forever marked me with a renewed awareness of the precious and fragile nature of life.

One of my sons dealt with cancer. Another turned 40. My last baby left home for college. Every single passage squeezed into a life that is filled with hard work here at the center.

And I was certainly not the only one here who experienced life altering experiences: the birth of a new CAC baby, the death of a mother, a divorce for one, the promise of a new marriage for another, colleagues becoming grandmothers – all the stuff of life.

All the while, we worked without pause for the well-being of the over 914 children who walked through our doors.

I write these things to remind our community that we are human beings working in a context of child abuse with lives outside these walls which also must be lived. I have not been a shining example of any form of balance, but this year I learned that balance is essential to growth, essential to being a great center, essential to innovation, and essential to stay the course.

I want to express my gratitude and love to those with whom I work. I respect this group of women beyond measure.

We, unaccustomed to courage
exiles from delight
live coiled in shells of loneliness
until love leaves its high holy temple
and comes into our sight
to liberate us into life.

Little did I realize when I spoke these words to my beautiful son and his new wife that I was speaking also to myself and to all of us.

We are unaccustomed to courage in a field where courage should dictate our every decision. We are advocates for those who have no voice, who get lost in the system, who flounder in the darkness unless we can leave our “shells of loneliness” and allow love to “leave its high holy temple” and “liberate us into life.” Only then can we help those who need us.

2012 can be anything we want it to be. I say, we shall achieve all that we believe in, because we are a courageous lot of human beings.

Let us go forward with one another with the same humanity that we show the children, for we are a group of humans first. It will cost us all that we are, but it is a cause worth the cost. I will conclude with the dedication of our first real art book, Stumbling onto Truth:

“This book is dedicated to the courageous children of abuse

Who pass daily through the doors of the

Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

Their heroism, honesty and raw will to live humble us all.”

Ultimately, these words become our mantra, our calling, & our purpose.

Marlene Mish

Jerry Sandusky claims that he showered with boys to teach them how to shower properly . . . and other myths

2011-12-16T07:39:00.000-08:00

One of Jerry Sandusky’s attorneys has proffered further explanation of why Jerry found himself in the shower with so many boys:

"Some of these kids don’t have basic hygiene skills. Teaching a person to shower at the age of 12 or 14 sounds strange to some people, but people who work with troubled youth will tell you that there are a lot of juvenile delinquents and people who are dependent who have to be taught basic life skills like how to put soap on their body.”

Are they serious?

This statement is so ludicrous that one would be compelled to laugh, if it were not so dangerously indicative of the lengths the defense will go to excuse behaviors that are clearly inexcusable.

This is wrong on so many levels, one wonders where to begin.

First, does anyone know any boy who would let any adult soap him up in a shower of his own free will? I raised two sons myself, and this is ridiculous at best and infuriating at the very least.

Any reasonable person would see the folly in this statement. This is not normal behavior. It’s not healthy behavior. It’s criminal behavior.

Second, if Mr. Sandusky were really trying to instill anything in these boys, he might rather have tried teaching them to respect their bodies by not allowing anyone to cross their personal boundaries.

It is very possible that some of these kids had already been victimized in their lives and this would have added insult to injury since he was someone they looked up to and were not in the position to resist. This is typical grooming behavior: selecting victims who are not credible (“delinquents”, I think was the term). Right out of the play book, folks.

Third, there is something insufferably Classist about making a statement that assumes that underprivileged (poor) kids don’t know how to bathe. I myself came from poor beginnings and I remember my mom telling us kids that “poor doesn’t mean dirty.” This is a horrible statement on the part of the attorney.

Fourth, what is equally repugnant is that the attorney for Mr. Sandusky actually thinks that people will believe such logic. This reminds me of Joseph Goebbels, Hitler’s propaganda man, who catapulted Hitler into power with the philosophy that “If you tell a small lie, no one will believe you. But if you tell a BIG LIE long enough, everyone will believe you.”

What’s going on here?

Are there any limits to the defenses that attorneys will offer to excuse the inexcusable?

Will Mr. Sandusky get off because people believe that it’s customary to teach 14 year-old boys to bathe? Has any of you who have adolescent boys ever had to go into the shower with your son and teach him how to soap up? Really? Really?

Naturally, our Mr. Sandusky is innocent until proven guilty. However, I am anxious to hear from the alleged victims if they held this same belief that they needed help in the shower. I think we are in for a different version of the story, more akin to the truth.

Shame on these attorneys for thinking the public is a bunch of idiots.

We’re not. Sorry.

Good luck selling this to a jury of normal people.

Why you may love/hate the holidays

2011-12-13T09:07:00.000-08:00

And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store? What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more? Dr. Seuss

I have a love/hate relationship with the holidays.

For many people, Christmas can be a joyous experience or it can remind them of Christmases past which weren’t so happy.

In my case, Christmas was not always good.

Of course, my mom made sure that we all got gifts, even if she went into debt to do it. It’s not that. It kind of goes like this: Christmas Eve was my parents’ wedding anniversary. It was also the night of one of the biggest fights of the year.

Needless to say, for three little girls awaiting Santa, it was hard to have the prelude to Christmas be so dangerously volatile. Usually mom was disappointed in something my dad did or didn’t do. He came home late and drunk, usually with something very romantic like a meat thermometer! Ladies, you understand. That sparked the evening’s events which went down hill rapidly.

It’s funny that even though I have not lived in my childhood home for decades, I always get panicky around Christmas. I think I always will.

Since I rarely talk about my personal holiday experience, I am doing so because we assume that the holidays are always happy. In point of fact, many people are more depressed during the holidays. It can come from many places and in many forms. Especially in this economy and uncertain times, families are stressed and stress can often turn into an angry fist or a broken heart.

My heart goes out to the families of our children. I know that many of them will have their happy moments marred by fighting, drinking, violence, or worse.

I bet many of them will see the holidays as something one gets through.

When I was a teacher and counselor for 30 years, it was typical for kids to start acting out right before the school break. They’d get into trouble, and get depressed and anxious. This always perplexed the teachers. We counselors sent out notices to expect this kind of behavior and be kind to the kids.

Bringing the whole family together along with all its dysfunction can be less than an anticipated event.

Not trying to be Scrooge here. I love the lights, the happy faces, the children, but I think I should at least acknowledge that many will not experience the holidays the same Norman Rockwell painting way.

Let’s join together and envision a world where this Christmas will be different for all those who suffer quietly trying to get through the holidays.

Let’s make a shift in our minds so that reality will follow suit.

Even though I feel somewhat vulnerable sharing my Christmas blues story, I would welcome your stories of what the holidays mean to you. Everyone has a story as they say.

Happy Holidays,

Marlene Mish

Now that I understand why I get so weird around Christmas, I can change it. You can too

Penn State -- right out of the sex offender's playbook

2011-11-17T11:36:00.000-08:00

The situation at Penn State has been on my mind a lot lately for so many reasons. Although the alleged offender is innocent until proven guilty by a court of law, I can at least talk about a few things that are very disturbing about this case.

Right at the outset, I want to say what I always say: If we do not have an educated community, our children are not safe. Period.

Assuming for the purposes of discussion that the alleged offender, Mr. Sandusky, is guilty, and then if anyone in his vicinity had taken our Stewards of Children Child Sex Abuse Prevention Program -- this never would have happened.

Why? Because then everyone trained would have known the signs, known what to do -- and done it! Because of the ignorance of the populace -- this happened to who knows how many children.

I say “who knows how many” because that’s exactly what I mean.

This case is right out of the sex offender’s playbook. In fact, it is a perfect situation. Establish a non-profit for underprivileged kids so you have access to hundreds of children. Select those with the least status so that no one will listen to them and then offend to your heart’s content. Sorry, folks, but that is exactly what these paragons of virtue do.

People, who want to offend children, go to organizations or create organizations where they can easily access their victims. They have a pool of candidates who respect and even love them, because they are nice guys and have real status in the world. Perfect.

Who would believe a child, assuming he could possibly muster the courage to come forward? No one, that’s who. That’s in the playbook, too.

Add to this equation the reverence we bestow on our sports heroes. We aspire to be like them and even want to be them. They are above reproach. Add to the mix the importance of football to our nation and specifically to college pocketbooks. Football means money. Scandal means money goes away. Stir in an eyewitness who reports -- but the report finds its way to the round file instead of the police department.

I think that’s a crime.

Then have the press refer to the sexual assaults these children endured as “encounters.” I wonder if a nine year-old would consider rape an encounter, or if it would be experienced as a painful, terrifying violation of the child’s body and soul. I think the latter.

Then, just for comic relief, let’s have the attorney for the alleged offender say that his client “likes to shower with little boys and roughhouse.” Really? Really? REALLY?

If the alleged is proven guilty we have several problems:

There are many, many more victims out there.
Since it appears the victims are boys, the chances they will come forward is slim.
The victims we know about have suffered for years along with those we don’t know about, because offenders don’t just have one victim and then stop. Duh!
Some people made some CHOICES that forever changed the lives of children, disgraced the university, and brought shame on all the good that football does, in fact, stand for.
Lives have been ruined.
Careers and reputations ruined.
Children have been sacrificed in the name of greed.

Though I could go on, I will finish with these final thoughts. So many mistakes have been made that it’s hard to count them. But the most important one is this:

When we don’t know how sex offenders operate, we put kids at risk. When we don’t report crimes, children’s lives will be forever altered. When we choose to turn our heads, the children pay the price.

It is my hope that we as a community will learn from this calamity.

It is my dream that every adult take the Stewards of Children workshop. If they did, they would have seen the signs for years. And if they saw a child being offended, they would have passed “GO” and called the police, because a crime had been committed. No discussion necessary. They would not be thinking about reputation, football or the tooth fairy.

They would be thinking with clear heads and made the right CHOICE.

They all had a choice….all except those children.

To take Stewards of Children Child Sex Abuse Prevention Training, go to www.cacjc.org and sign up for the next training.

Neglect has long lasting effects

2011-11-15T20:13:00.001-08:00

Signs of Abuse in Children

2011-11-10T09:35:00.000-08:00

It's important that, as a community, we take a hard look at the price our children pay for being victims of sex abuse.

Obviously, a child's perception of abuse is dependent on the developmental stage of that child. A very young child may be told that certain types of sexual abuse are normal and that everyone does this. Since all children are at the absolute mercy of those who care for them, that exacerbates the situation. These small victims know their abusers, love their abusers, trust their abusers and it's all they know. This betrayal of the child's spirit as well as his/her body may be experienced differently by different children. This is not cookie cutter issue.

If a child sees the abuser as "bad," then the child would have to absorb emotionally the fact that someone who is supposed to love them is hurting them, and that is a big concept to deal with. As children develop and know more of the world, the child may see that these activities are not in fact normal and experience great shame and even a sense of collusion with the perpetrator. How confusing for the children who must deal with this.

Even if a child cannot cognitively deal with the meaning or ramifications of child sex abuse, their wise bodies and unconscious do respond. That's why we may see certain types of behaviors in children who are being sexually abused:

Younger Children:

Regression.

Bed wetting or loss of bowel control.

Nightmares and night tremors.

Withdrawal.

Aggression.

Developmental delays.

Sexual behaviors that they couldn't/wouldn't know about unless they had been sexually abused, witnessed behaviors of adults in the home or were exposed to pornography.

Excessive masturbation (often in public.)

Elementary School Age Children:

Failure in school.

Lack of attention or concentration.

Lack of social skills to make or maintain friends.

Acting out sexually.

Excessive masturbation (even in class.)

Inappropriate sexual talk.

Withdrawal.

Aggressive behaviors toward others.

Depression.

Fighting with peers.

Anxiety.

Middle and High School Age Children:

Poor school attendance.

Dropping out of school.

Getting in trouble with authority in and outside of school.

Self-mutilation (cutting, burning, etc.)

Suicidal thoughts or gestures.

Promiscuity.

Pregnancy.

Fighting with peers.

Poor peer relationships.

School failure.

Drug and alcohol abuse.

These are just a very few signs of abuse that may manifest in children who are being abused. Each age group may interpret the abuse differently, but abuse is abuse and it is a crime. If we see these signs, we need to report it immediately.

Studies have shown that the only group, other than victims of child abuse, that shows the severity of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, drug and alcohol abuse, suicidal ideation and long-term mental health issues -- and even a shorten lifespan -- are soldiers returning from WAR.

Our defenseless children who are being abused are just like returning combat soldiers! But if we do nothing, we are in effect leaving them on the field of battle with no hope of rescue.

1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually assaulted before the age of 18.

We see what we look for. We look for what we know. Talmud

2011-10-18T13:33:00.000-07:00

We have a problem.

This problem is right in front of us, but we are struggling with many issues around it.

I am speaking of child physical abuse.

It is easy to abhor sex offenders. We all hate the thought of someone violating a minor sexually, betraying familial bonds, destroying trust -- hurting a child, a teen, a toddler, and yes, even a baby. That issue is clear in our minds. Child sex abuse is a crime. If we have a good disclosure, an eye witness, a confession, or forensic evidence, we have a good shot at a conviction -- at achieving accountability. This is clear. No one likes a sex offender.

Juries get this. We win cases.

It’s easy to prosecute a person who neglects a child due to drugs. Neglect is seen in the environment. The child has not been attended to, and the child has not had her diapers changed in days. The child is wandering through a house cluttered with drug paraphernalia, and dog feces. Neglect has an odor. It stinks. Our eyes are assaulted with the world a child has had to live in. His clothes must be thrown out because they are toxic. The child has not been fed for days, has cried until he has no more tears or no hope of being cared for, so he wanders aimlessly through his world, no longer crying. This is a crime. It is clear.

Juries get this. We win cases.

Physical abuse, on the other hand, exists all around us but is more difficult for us who are trying to help. Children show up to school with bruises, scrapes, and black eyes. Sometimes things are reported. Sometimes they are not. I met a victim last year who told me that he came to school for five years with marks on his body and those bruises were chalked up to “his bad behavior” of starting fights. Five years!

“We see what we look for. We look for what we know.”

The adults in his world saw him as a violent trouble maker. That’s what they knew him to be. That’s how they saw him. No one asked the question. He was not likeable. He was not believable. The person responsible for those bruises was also molesting his little sister. That man is in prison for those crimes. But the crimes against this young man were not addressed and the offender has not been held accountable.

What will become of this young man -- now 19 years old? Where will all that rage go? All that pain for all those years? He never got justice.

Physical abuse is more complicated than the other crimes we prosecute.

So what happens when a physical abuse case comes before the jury? What tricks can a defense attorney pull out of his/her bag? I’ve watched case after case being framed to the jury like this:

“Well, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, how many of you are parents? How many of you have had to discipline your children? How many of you have spanked or hit your children because you loved them and were trying to help them grow up on the straight and narrow? You hit them sometimes, didn’t you? You love them, don’t you? All you were trying to do was be a good parent. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is all that has happened here. Johnny is a bad seed. He lies. He gets into trouble. All his dad was trying to do was set him straight. We’ve all done that. This is just a simple case of discipline. He didn’t mean harm.”

How clever! In order to convict the defendant, the jury has to indict themselves.

The public’s beliefs about discipline become a barrier to prosecution. And we are warned: “You can’t take away a parent’s right to discipline his own child. Right?” Add to this -- the fact that many of the photos shown to the court were overexposed so that the injuries don’t really look so bad.

How many of your have been hit as children? Even beaten? You lived, didn’t you? It didn’t kill you, did it? Now as an adult, what are your beliefs about hitting a child? What about a toddler who has bruises all over his little body? One little guy’s mom told the police: “This was just discipline. It wasn’t a whoppin’!” Is this discipline? Or was this a raging woman lashing out at a defenseless two year old? Was this a crime?

The public's perception of physical child abuse has become one of the greatest barriers to making advances. We need to recognize abuse when we see it -- treat it, prevent it and hold those who do it responsible.

Can we suspend our present beliefs for a few minutes and reframe some of the things that we think we understand about child abuse?

1. I hope we can all agree that child abuse is often a symptom of some larger problem. Kids don’t just get hit once -- anymore than a child gets molested only once when the offender has access to the child. Parents on drugs don’t forget to feed their children just one time. All of these are repeated, long term events that overlap. It’s a family issue sometimes…often. And studies tell us that physical abuse, neglect and sex abuse overlap. In fact, 40% of children who are physically abused are also sexually abused.

This overlapping is what some researchers call WAR

World of

Abnormal

Rearing

This is the world some kids live in. It’s a W A R.

2. Physical abuse is not just a crime – it’s MORE THAN A CRIME. This crime is not over when the abuser goes to jail. Long after the marks are gone, the child has learned dysfunctional lessons about life. In many of these families, the children live in this dysfunctional family bubble:

Strangers are dangerous and never to be trusted.

Never turn to a stranger for help.

DHS is seen as evil and a threat to the family rather than a source of support.

Turning outside for help is a betrayal of the family.

Abuse is normal.

Abuse and violence becomes all mixed up with LOVE.

It goes on and on. Each of us here plays an important role in intervening in this destructive, often generational problem. LE and the DA are bound by the laws with respect to indictment, arrest, search warrants, and probable cause. DHS has their protocols, and we at the Advocacy Center must stand on the front line with you all, united in our goal to protect the children.

3. Some things that we think about don’t have to do with the law. It has to do with a concept that says: psychology is physiology, meaning simply this:

Abuse damages the body

Abuse also damages the psyche

Psychological trauma changes our physiology

Physically abusing the child’s body changes the very physiology of the brain!

Psychological trauma associated with physical abuse also changes the physiology of the brain

I have learned a lot about the brain. It is not mature at birth. Many things need to happen for it to mature to what it needs to be. Many of the changes that affect the brain are determined by experiences. Babies have this incredible window of learning between the ages of 0 to 3 years. The brain will never have as many neurons as during this time. This is the window of attachment, learning to learn -- becoming. Timing is critical. Relationships are critical to this period of emotional development.

So doctors are thinking that adversity changes a person forever, at this cellular level.

Children under duress of child abuse are flooded with massive amounts of adrenaline. The child is in a state of vigilant alertness and stress. His very survival is at stake. The physical damage done to the child pales next to the psychological damage which affects the physiology of the brain -- especially the right side of the brain, which governs self-regulation, emotional awareness, problem-solving, and empathy.

I used to wonder about my students at CrossRoads, many of whom seemed truly unable to control their rages. They had no tools to resolve problems, articulate feelings in appropriate ways, or truly to be successful at being normal. I saw what I was looking for and I looked for what I knew at the time. I now see that much of that was possible physiological brain damage, which began at the beginning of their lives in those few critical, fragile years when some of them were neglected or physically or sexually abused.

Did you know that some of the latest statistics coming from studies of prison inmates is that over 90% have sustained some kind of brain trauma, whether that was an accidental trauma to the brain, an intentional trauma to the brain or long term psychological trauma that eventually changed the brain. And most of the acting out did not show up until puberty. Think about that and what it might mean.

Traumatic brain injury translated into violence.

The reason I mention this is that the toll to the human being of physical abuse takes on a life of its own and by stopping it, we will go a long way to creating a segment of society that will be able to better cope with the world.

Working together, we can educate this community about the importance of maternal bonding, connectedness, nurturing, and protecting our children from physical, sexual and emotional violence. We cannot afford the costs associated with all the systems that will be impacted if we don’t intervene.

It is easier to build a child than fix an adult as the saying goes.

Compromised. We are seeing too many compromised people, just as compromised as an infant whose umbilical cord supplied him with meth before his birth. Some things cannot be fixed. It’s better to prevent them in the first place Take, for example, a baby who is being abused now and having to live in an adrenaline filled world because it is not safe. He is experiencing a slow change in his very physiology. We feel sympathy for him today. But we may not like him at all when he begins acting out in his teen years and as an adult.

This brings me back to where I began:

“We see what we look for and we look for what we know.”

What if we as professionals don’t see what really is because we can only see what we already hold to be true? This type of thinking limits us incredibly from learning, growing and doing things better. And we need to do things better to protect the children from all kinds of abuse.

I would love to stand up here and tell you that I never spanked a child or got upset at one – I had four! I would love to say that I never yelled, lost my temper or messed them up in some way. They remind me occasionally that I made mistakes as a parent. We all share that in common, if we are parents and if we are honest. I probably would have spanked my sons more, if I had been able to catch them, but they were always faster than I was.

I am confessing these things because being a parent is not easy and it must be incredibly hard for folks with no parenting skills at all, or parents who didn’t really want kids in the first place, or who are using drugs, or are mentally ill or just plain mean. We know there are people like that in this community.

I remember when my youngest was four years old and she stood right in front of our aquarium and ignored my warning not to pour her glass of milk into the aquarium. With a willful expression on her little face, she poured the whole glass into the aquarium, killing all the expensive, tropical fish. I jumped up and gave her a quick swat on her butt. I left no mark. It was the first and only time I ever swatted her but I will never forget what she said to me. As bold as a tiny warrior, surprised and hurt by my action, she looked up at me and exclaimed, “You can’t do that, mommy, I ‘m just a child.”

Although we all have a moral obligation to discipline our children, her comment was unforgettable to me. In some way, we need to realize that these are children. We are bigger, stronger, and more powerful and have the power to do great good or indescribable evil.

We ask that you support our efforts to prevent any and all kinds of abuse and create the paradigm shift required so that no one will ever again raise a fist, or boot, or coat hanger to a defenseless child.

Babies are a Sign!

2011-09-29T07:20:00.000-07:00

I was reflecting on the wedding I attended last week -- my 2^nd son’s. I realized that since March three CAC staff have become grandmothers again. Our Lead Mentor welcomed two; our Billing Specialist, one; our MDT Coordinator, one and I got one, albeit a premature one. But that counts! To top it off, our Forensic Interviewer is about to have her second baby in December. It seems that the CAC is filled with life -- both literally and figuratively.

Think of how much joy a baby evokes from us humans when it is wanted, awaited, and welcomed.

The mere mention of my granddaughter Sofia’s name make me feel gratitude that such a tiny human being emerged into the world with the will to live and grow outside the womb where she still had two months of reservations! Such miracles – every one.

As we in the office send photos to each other of the new generation that is entering an uncertain world, one thing is certain:

These little ones will be loved, protected, and nurtured. They will be someone’s joy, someone’s gift.

And yet, maybe it’s an occupational hazard, but I can’t help of thinking of the babies in the local hospitals who are taking their first precious breaths and entering a world where they are not wanted, will not be cared for or treasured, rather some will be ignored, seen as a burden, shaken, hit, or violated.

In my over 45 years working with adolescents, you cannot fathom how many times I have heard a young woman tell me that she typically heard sentences like: “I wish you had never been born!” “It’s because of you that my life is ruined.” “I hate you and wish I had never had you.”

Imagine the tragic power of words upon a young child. A baby even picks up the reactions of the world from how many smiles she/he gets and thus begins a life of self esteem or self loathing. A word can be a hammer or gossamer wings upon which a child learns to fly and dream and see herself as capable of anything!

What power our language has upon a growing human being.

People have often teased or criticized me for always praising my children to the heavens.

Guilty.

I am proud there were more; “You are the greatest.” “You can become anything you want in this life.” “You are the best.” “I love you.” “I am proud of you.” Naturally, I probably spoke harshly to them too when I was in a less that perfect state of motherhood, but I hope that I have never uttered those powerful words that kill a child’s soul.

I think it’s perfectly fine to think your child or grandchild is the greatest. Why not?

They need to hear good things everyday of their lives because the world itself can bat them around, but it will be our motherly or grandmotherly praise that will sit quietly upon them. When bad times come, they will be able to reach into that deep reserve of love and praise and think to themselves: “Well, I’m OK because grandma said so.”

These messages will be living in their genes and we will have put them there.

Congratulations! You are creating a human being who will believe in himself and who will be able to weather any storm. That having been said, I want to say in conclusion that my three grandchildren are the smartest, most beautiful, talented and incredible little creatures I have ever known.

OK, call to all grandmas!

How great are your grandchildren? Your children?

Tell me and tell them….often. You’re not bragging; you are building!

“I started at 3 pounds, but I will make a difference in this world. My grandma told me.” Sofia

Why kids don't tell

2011-09-27T07:07:00.000-07:00

One of the most frequent questions we get from the community is why kids don't tell anyone about abuse, keep it a secret for so long, or never tell at all. A few facts will help us:

Most children never tell. Researchers tell us that only about 30% of abused children tell an adult or ask for help.
Girls tell more often than boys. In fact, most boys never breathe a word of abuse, especially if it's sexual, for their entire lives. And those who do often delay their disclosures -- often for decades.
Many children who do get the courage up to tell an adult are not believed. If this happens, it is just another betrayal, and odds are they will keep their pain and secrets to themselves and suffer in silence.

Children have their own logic and value systems and unless we understand that, we will never understand why they keep heinous experiences to themselves. Here are just a few really valid reasons why a child would not tell anyone of abuse:

They feel shame. Most offenders tell the child it is her fault or that she caused him to act in this way. Since we have told children that adults are right, why should a child doubt that?
Children blame themselves for the abuse. They take the blame onto themselves and turn it inward. Here begins a life of low self-esteem, depression, lack of self-worth, self-harming behaviors and the whole gamut of destructive paths.
The offender makes the child feel special, gives him gifts, takes him on special outings and gives the child attention that he may not be getting at home. An offender in the home may single out one child for this grooming process.
The offender threatens the child. "If you tell, I will kill your family." "If you tell, they are going to take your mom away." "If you tell, I will hurt your dog." If you tell, YOU are going to get into a lot of trouble for what you've been doing." "No one will believe you over me."
The child is too young to know that what is being done to her is wrong. She is told that it's what adults do, how they play. The child doesn't question the adult.
The child has no knowledge at all about sex and sees the abuse as normal.

This is just a sampling of the reasons so many children don't tell.

That doesn't mean they don't suffer.

It is no wonder these children have nightmares, can't concentrate in school, act out with aggression or move inward to depression and try to harm themselves.

Eight tips for keeping children safe

2011-09-13T12:15:00.000-07:00

Experts estimate that one in four girls and one in six boys will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday. Unless sex offenders are stopped, they will most likely offend again.

More than 90% of children who are sexually abused know their abusers. Most abusers are close friends or relatives of the victims -- not strangers.

The only way to stop this epidemic is for all of us to become educated about how to spot the signs of child abuse and prevent it from happening in the first place.

Here is what you can do:

1. Talk openly to your child about sexual abuse.

2. Tell your child it is best not to keep secrets from adults and that secrets can be dangerous. Tell children it is your job to keep them safe.

3. Discuss boundaries, perhaps during bath-time or diapering. Tell your child his or her private parts are off-limits to others.

4. Give your child permission to tell any adult "no" to unwanted touch.

5. Teach your child the difference between comfortable/appropriate touch and uncomfortable/unacceptable touch.

6. Eliminate or reduce unsupervised, one-on-one situations between your child and an adult/older child -- this includes friends and relatives. This will reduce the chance of abuse.

7. Monitor what your child is doing online. Be aware of any online chatting. Sex offenders often use chat sites to send children pornography or lure children into physical contact.

8. Enroll in the Children's Advocacy Center's "Darkness to Light-Stewards of Children" Seminar. It costs five dollars and takes three hours of your time. The benefits to your children are priceless.

For more information or to enroll, contact Alexis McKenna at amckenna@cacjc.org or call: (541) 282-5474.

"Minor-attracted persons" - a nice phrase for pedophile

2011-09-07T13:56:00.000-07:00

Most people confuse pedophilia with your garden variety sex offender. I want to make a simple distinction for the purposes of this blog.

A pedophile is a person who is solely sexually aroused by a prepubescent child. In other words, the presence of secondary sexual characteristics like pubic hair, breasts, etc., would not be a turn on for a real pedophile. We often use the word “pedophile” interchangeably with “sex offender,” but that would be inaccurate. Whereas a pedophile is a sex offender, a sex offender may not be a pedophile.

True pedophilia is less common in our society than your run of the mill sex offender. The SO (sex offender) can and does offend minors of all ages, but can and does often maintain a relationship with adults as well. He may be married, a family man, or a homosexual male. Sex offenders can be women, too, by the way.

The more frequent sex offender is opportunistic. That is to say, he may only offend when there is an opportunity, whereas a pedophile's sole focus will be to groom and offend a pre-pubescent child. “Regular sex offenders” do their share of grooming, too, but the point is they also do other things and are sexually gratified or attracted to adult men or women or children with secondary sexual characteristics like teenagers.

That having been said, let me quote from a recent blog by Tracy Clark-Flory:

“Such claims seem rather dubious when visiting a message board like Boy Chat, where it’s easy to find men discussing how society just doesn’t understand that many “young friends” enjoy having a friendship with a “boy lover.” There is no mention of sexual activity with children, as such posts are forbidden, and posters are effusive about how they would never think of “hurting” a child – but one gets the sense that they’re operating under a different understanding of “hurt.” Most of the discussion focuses on feelings of love and tenderness for young boys; it’s all very reminiscent of how Michael Jackson would talk about his friendship with children. There are also conversations about how to have a “YF” (young friend) – for instance, one man says he is renting a room in his house to a woman with custody of her grandsons. He writes:” The boys have taken to me, naturally, and my landlady loves me. I’m taking it slow, but I’ve already been trusted to watch the boys - another night coming this week; an overnight. They’re cutie pies.”

Here is an example of a pedophile in the throes of grooming some young victims. He believes that he is forming a relationship with them and ultimately after he abuses them will hold firm to the belief that they enjoy this relationship.

This, my friends, is a pedophile.

If you want your world rocked, read Randy Ellison’s book, Boys Don’t Tell, which chronicles years of abuse by his priest. In spite of the fact that this “minor-attracted” priest probably didn’t feel he was hurting Randy, he was sorely mistaken and the book presents an honest recounting of what such a relationship takes from the soul of a child. Go to boysdonttell.com and read for yourself.

“Minor-attracted person,” indeed!

Call it what you like, it still spells child abuse.

Marlene

The Story of a Stick Figure

2011-08-23T11:54:00.000-07:00

It was 2001 when I first became Principal of CrossRoads Alternative School. What passed for an “art class” in those days were a collage or two with 3-4 pictures hastily ripped from some magazine and slapped onto a piece of lined notebook paper.

I was appalled. For this, the kids were given advanced art credit. Well, they did have to sign their names.

Obviously, that version of art was going to change because I immediately hired my husband Dan Mish, a fine artist and musician, to come in and teach art – a revolutionary concept to what had passed as a misguided interpretation of what it meant to be an “alternative school." Dan began classes on Fridays teaching art and guitar. What happened next changed our lives.

But I digress.

Before the first class I noticed, when I asked the teacher to have the kids draw, all that I saw were large pieces of white, blank paper. Somewhere on each was a tiny stick figure. It might be in the corner on the left or right. It might be in the middle (but rarely), and it might be floating somewhere within the page without rhyme or reason.

I thought about this for a long time and, tapping into my counseling background, began to form a hypothesis that many of these kids were somehow emotionally arrested in their development. But why?

It wouldn’t be until I became the Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center that I would fully put the pieces together. Some of these children had had abuse histories, some were living in homes where domestic violence was normal, and others just couch-hopped because they had skipped “home” altogether.

These stick figures represented how they saw themselves: small, insignificant, not fully formed, floating in a space of nothingness. There was nothing defined about them.

I told Dan what my theory was and he assured me that that was all about to change. Within weeks, his classes had waiting lists and the art became, well, art. He began to hang the work up every Friday afternoon and once a semester we had an art show, selling the pieces for $1, $2 or $5. The teachers made sure that every piece was sold.

In those early days of understanding at risk youth and the power of art, these were the seeds that would one day become one of the most transformative things that have ever happened to the kids at the Center.

In 2009, the CAC, in collaboration, with the Studio at Living Opportunities, had its first summer art program.

Again the kids faced their blank canvases with wide eyes and skepticism. Many had innate talent but none had had any experience working directly with a fine artist. Once again the stick figures, the small use of space – almost as if the girl didn’t feel she had the right to draw big, use up too much space.

But as the weeks drifted by, the canvases filled up with color and texture and a new version of these girls emerged. This time we had an art show but these pieces of art sold for much, much more.

In July 2011 we finished our 3^rd year of collaboration and the art show was at Veranda Park for the 2^nd year. Approximately 450 people from the community came. Big canvases lined the elegant dining room of Veranda Park. Community members stopped to talk to the artists who were all dressed like angels. Well, the boys were dressed like gentlemen. The children spoke of their works, their creative processes, and the pride was unmistakable.

Just think – all of this came of a 16-year-old kid’s stick figure that begged the question “Why?” The answer to that question has literally transformed the Center and altered the course of our children’s lives forever.

Now we have note cards and tote bag and mugs with the art. We will soon have the Center’s first calendar that is guaranteed to knock your socks off! It will be unveiled at Cherish a Child in October.

We do so many wonderful things at the Center from the minute they walk through our doors: a forensic interview, a medical exam, therapeutic assessment and treatment, and now five mentoring groups that have set the gold standard in our state.

Who would have ever dreamed that it all began with tearing up a collage, looking at a simple stick figure, and beginning to understand the power of abuse to cripple and the power of art to heal.

Do you have a story where something unexpected happened with a small idea?

I would love to hear it.

Marlene

You Can Not Give a Gift Away

2011-08-11T11:03:00.000-07:00

I was looking through an old journal last night and chanced upon a letter written to me by a student I had in 1992, while I was a counselor at Beverly Hills High School. I opened the now aging note to find a poetic letter written to me -- her counselor -- during the year she graduated.

She was a very talented, troubled and unique young woman and she wrote, in the most eloquent language, about how I had changed her life over the four years we had worked together, and that I had “taught her to see herself through my eyes that viewed her as beautiful and capable and worthy.”

I felt tears well up in my eyes. I remembered her, but the details of her story are now history and faded. Yet, there was such appreciation in her confession of gratitude.

I thought instantly of our mentoring program, and that is exactly what our mentors are doing everyday at the Center.

I realized that I was her mentor and my heart traveled across time and space sending her my own gratitude because she reminded me that, whether we know it or not, we are always teaching, always mentoring, always impacting the lives of those around us.

I felt humbled. When I worked with her in my early days of counseling, I was so filled with idealism and hope, and somehow that transferred to this quiet young woman, and she felt the love behind the time we spent together.

I hope that wherever she is today, she still feels that belief I had in her and that the demons that possessed her have been replaced with dreams and joy.

Somehow I know in my heart that she is OK and that I was a tiny part of that. Maybe I was honored to plant a seed of hope in a child who had never before heard the words: “I believe in you.” I don’t know. I may never know.

But this discovery in that old journal reminded me once again why we mentor our child victims -- because every kind word, every minute we spend, every compliment we gift these children takes root in their fragile souls.

Once upon a time, I gave hope to a child in need and in 2011, she returned to me with a great gift:

“Do not give up on us! Ever!”

I bless her. I am grateful for her unexpected but much needed reminder. There are no accidents.

If you have a story of hope to share, please become a guest blogger and join the movement that is hope.

Thanks to all who attended On the Veranda Friday night!

2011-07-25T09:00:00.000-07:00

Mural: Our Lives -- Life Size

We were 450 strong and this life-affirming event was elegant, fun, and inspiring. The artists said it was "the best day of their lives." That was only possible because the community was there to bear witness to their effort to heal. One girl's painting sold for $700 and she was speechless. "This was the first thing I ever painted. It's like a dream. I am so happy."

The life-size mural pictured above was bought by a woman who is donating it to a women's center in Grants Pass which will be finished in 2012.

The food was beyond excellent, thanks to host Randy Jones and his team.

The CAC dedicated the event to the slain mother and children of our community. It was our way to honor them by celebrating those children who have survived and have a chance to dream of a better future.

On the Veranda spoke to the heart of the Center: Healing is possible and last Friday it was visible for all to see.

Bless the children and bless this community."

We must fan the flames of hope

2011-07-21T12:51:00.000-07:00

Click here for the radio interview with myself and Dan Mish, Director of The Studio at Living Opportunities, recorded at 6 am this morning on Southern Oregon Live KCMX Radio 880, with Russ Batzer and Shannon Young. We talk about the On the Veranda Art Show taking place tomorrow at Veranda Park in Medford, from 7 - 9 pm. (You may have to fast forward through the first part of the program to get to the interview segment.)

At On the Veranda you will experience the hope of the 28 young artists of the Children's Advocacy Center whose work pays tribute to the four slain children our community lost this week -- hope for these 28 children who still have a second chance.